I am what I am not.....and shall never be!!!

Sirf ek Parchai Hey!

2012-01-11T15:33:00.002+05:30

Our pet dog, Rambo, chasing its tail was the most entertaining event in our family for over 8 years until one day my uncle came and stuck a post-it on its tail that read 'God' and smiled and said 'Sirf ek Parchai hey' (Its just a reflection he is chasing)!

Wise Man, Able Man and the Blind Man!

2011-12-23T16:18:00.005+05:30

Able Man: And what a blind man's life would be like, I simply wonder?
Wise Man: Blindness is a Virtue, to not see is indeed worth a million sights!
Blind Man: No, no its really a life nothing short of submission and surrender!
Able Man: Well that’s a shame, really, a life with no dignity, pride or rights?
Blind Man: Yes with limited choices and options, I say one of sheer frivolity!
Wise Man: You shouldn't my friend underestimate the significance of restriction!
Able Man: Significance of restriction? Where’s the sense of freedom in captivity?
Blind Man: Or without the idea of space, what is the measure of world’s jurisdiction?
Able Man: I agree, it’s really a life of agony, of weakness and dependency!
Wise Man: So then tell me what is your measure of agony? Of joy, pain and misery?
Able Man: To have the luxury of sensual elevation, not such a state of decadency!
Blind Man: And when my imperfection is absolute, what good is all this relativity?
Wise Man: No trait or knowledge is absolute; relative is even your most eternal precedence!
Blind Man: It’s easier agreed than accepted, my friend, easier spoken than to be heard!
Able Man: And how does eternity matter anyways in a life span counted only in seconds?
Wise Man: Yet you measure yourself in transience and also as a part of the herd?
Blind Man: I could measure either ways, yet what would be my reason to rejoice?
Able Man: And where would he belong and how would he measure to one as able as me?
Wise Man: What is your ability O able man, and what really is your element of choice?
Blind Man: That which I will for but I cannot and yet he has without deliberation or decree!
Able Man: What I can make of this world! With what I could conquer without possession!
Blind Man: Now do you still see my blindness as a Virtue to keep or as an expletive to endure?
Able Man: Now do you have apathy towards his condition, his inability for comprehension?
Wise Man: Yes now I see the misery, now I am sympathetic but to both your mental flexure!
Able Man: Sympathetic to BOTH our mental flexures? So where is the comparison as such?
Blind Man: He is as firm as a pillar and I am resolute in my intuition, yet do you see a contention?
Wise Man: Yes one cannot see and the other refuses to see, yet both seem to have seen too much!

Yet I am so ripe for sex right now!

2011-11-29T14:46:00.002+05:30

The green has turned into gray,
And dusk has consumed the day,
The dark clouds have fallen from above,
Yet I am so ripe for sex right now!
It’s that time of the year to be frail,
It’s the season of chasing empty trails,
All the fowl’s flown home somehow
Yet I am so ripe for sex right now!
The smell of spring has long faded
The spirit of the men has gone jaded
With neither warmth nor valor to Endow
Yet I am so ripe for sex right now!
Fat ladies won’t be baking cookies
Old hand won’t train any rookies
Young maidens aren’t milking the cow
Yet I am so ripe for sex right now!

The Glimmer of Hope!

2011-11-17T11:16:00.002+05:30

It must have been Quarter to one and the night was a thousand shades darker than usual even for the darkest nights on the Nilgiris. I must have been behind the wheels for over 40 minutes now ever since I drove off from the farm house and started rolling downhill. I adjusted the mirror and glanced at the back seat, ‘have lost 2, but two are still alive, thank Heavens’ I mumbled ‘I need to reach the camp before I lose another one’ I thought. It’s one of those unfortunate days when you were convinced that your heart was right but instead you decided to go with the opinion of a majority that simply contradicted what you believed in. And now was such a moment of realization, when you confronted what you feared the most. ‘Lord, I have got to save at least one’, I cried under my breath, ‘but for that I am going to have to drive faster'.

The rain was pounding upon the windscreen even as I tried keeping it under 30 Kmp. On those steep roads that curled like a snake in a muddy pit, it felt like I was rolling downhill in a roller coaster. The Fiat Padmini I was driving must have been at least 20 years old and weighed a good 500 Kgs on the wheels as I tried steering it through a valley of darkness and ruthless terrain. The car was screeching its way through a sea of debris scattered by the heavy storm and I could hardly see beyond 5 meters in its candle lit headlights. In that terrain, where even on a well-lit afternoon under a sunny sky I would glance thrice over my wheels every second, in that murky rain all I could do was drive straight and turn only when a lightning struck and showed me a turn.

‘I can’t drive any faster, its suicidal to even try’ I was telling myself ‘but do I have choice now?’. To know is the evil, I contemplated. If we had not been so unprepared to begin with, if we hadn’t discussed the alternative options, if I had not chosen to venture into what now seems like a hopeless adventure and if I hadn’t known what I have to do, which I very well know now, I would have been a lot blissful in my ignorance. But now what I ought to do was no longer a matter of choice and that made it even harder to accept or reject. ‘I have to weigh my options’ I thought and I did weigh my options, ‘I have to take my chances’ I decided. Suddenly another lightning struck somewhere between the hills and I got a glimpse of empty stretch ahead.

I quickly glanced again at the back seat through the mirror and I realized I had lost another one, ‘O Christ, this is it, I have got to try’ I murmured as I held onto the wheels and pressed on the gas. The car just jolted in the air for a fraction of a second before it started rolling downhill like a mass of rock caught in a landslide. If it felt like a roller coaster till then, it felt like freefall right now in gravitational acceleration. But hardly would I have rolled over for 200 meters when a huge lightning struck right ahead revealing an 80 degree left turn ahead that left absolutely nothing in the direction I was heading. After a second’s pause that I spent in shock, I slammed the brakes and held the wheel back like a frozen ridge. But the sheer momentum and slippery road made it impossible to hold it straight.

Suddenly the car ran onto something over the edge in its sway and turned to the left and then to the right, finally skidding to the left again crashing side-on into an elevation that ran onto the hill. The collision left a powerful dent on the left door as the car bounced off the elevation and led the car screeching sideways onto the turn that ran into the gorge. The tires screamed in misery even as the car dragged along to the right. It must have been an intervention of the laws of physics that the car did not do a flip and merely crashed onto the separators over the edge that prevented the car from its free fall. In one motion the car came to a stop throwing the entire weight of the car to the right flipping the rear right door open spilling its content into the black hollow down below.

I quicky leaned over my shoulders trying to grab the only one alive but it was too late. I watched in dismay as I held onto the wheels, the final glimmer of the lone glowing camp light as it faded into the sea of enduring darkness below.

All that for an ounce of flesh!!!

2011-10-27T15:24:00.006+05:30

What would you give up for an ounce of flesh?
Why would I give up anything just for an ounce of flesh?
Why? For the flesh itself?
For the flesh itself?
Yea!
But that doesn't make any sense?
What doesn't make any sense?
Why would anyone give up anything for an ounce of flesh?
Well people give up a lot of things presumably for nothing, don't they?
Yea they do I guess.
So?
So what?
So what would you give?
I am still not sure if I understand what you are asking?
What don't you understand?
Like what does 'for flesh itself mean? It doesn't make any sense!
Doesn't it?
No!
Ok consider a million bucks and what it means to you!
Ok!
Now consider a Mercedes Benz!
Ok?
And imagine what you would trade for it?
Like what price would I pay for one?
Yea something like that!
Hmmm
So now what about an ounce of flesh?
An ounce of flesh? Thats all?
As in?
Just an ounce of flesh in itself?
Well!
As in so is it flesh as a piece or as a part of something bigger?
Ah! Let's say not as a piece.
Hmm so as a part of something bigger?
Something prettier, meatier and more desirable.
Desirable as in living flesh? Not dead?
Yes something Covetous. Something with life.
Something with life huh? But not an animal is it?
Well....
As in an animal but evolved?
An evolved Animal?
Is it something or someone?
Hmm lets say someone.
An ounce of flesh on someone? What would I give up for an ounce of flesh on someone?
Yes!
On a very desirable someone, pretty and covetous.
Or a covetous ounce of flesh on someone.
How covetous?
Is there a degree to greed?
Hmm what would I give up?
What would you give up?
Should I give up at all? As in why would I?
Should you? Would you?
I don't know, would I?
For your own greed, have you given up before? If yes, then would you again?
Hmm I have...
So would you again?
Maybe I will
What have you given up before?
Much more than what I could guage.
So what would you give up now?
Hmm for my own greed
For much more than just the greed! For that ounce!
For an ounce of flesh?
For an ounce of covetous flesh, yes!
What would I give?
What would you give?
Hmmm many things I suppose..
Many things is it?
Many things and much more!
Ah! Much more.
Yet something beyond all that too.
Yes?
Yes.
Something beyond all that and much more?
Yes but don't ask me what?
No I won't ask!
I wasn't suppose to know, was I?
No, I didn't think so.
All that for an ounce ofdesirable flesh? Covetous and all!
All that for an ounce of flesh!! Yes!

Atmanam VIdhi!

2011-10-26T22:28:00.000+05:30

Its the season for sailing into the Seamless Sea of Spirituality! Pray I could patronize a Piscean Harvest of Perpetual thoughts on oneself as I sail back into the shore of sensuality!

Atmanam Vidhi!

Love Beckons!

2011-10-22T16:30:00.001+05:30

Love beckons, my Love!
Wer art thou? Wer Indeed?
Giveth a thought, a moment
In awe, in mystiful deed,
Sacred O thy Sensuality,
Baffled in wits, my decree!
Fate summons, my Love!
Wer art thou? Thou destiny?
To thy grace I surrender,
Chastely, In all humility!

I dream and thus!!

2011-10-22T16:19:00.003+05:30

I dream of love,
As I sail through the visions of many tragedies,
I dream of her,
She who would someday complete my destiny,
I dream of days,
Where the nights would fall upon an enchanting dusk,
I dream of an end,
Of a tomorrow without a tomorrow or its apprehensions!

Suicide the Ultimate Sacrifice!!

2011-10-22T16:13:00.003+05:30

He who dies in vain, also dies in the greatest of pain! Die for a purpose, a purpose of your own! And what more glory in a purpose that you call your own than one that is oneself! Die for oneself, die by oneself!

Suicide is Bliss! Suicide is the Ultimate Sacrifice onto oneself!!

The Sage in the Madman's clothing!!

2011-09-08T10:10:00.000+05:30

The glory in mediocrity is often revealed through an act of impudence that only wise men could concieve!

Madman's Robe

2011-09-05T15:54:00.002+05:30

If all my life comes down to just one single effort to claim eternity, I would give it all up for that one single moment of glory! Afterall, isn’t a moment of strife far more monumental than a lifetime of reminiscence!

Wise men says.....

2011-08-30T23:09:00.001+05:30

What Man Wills, God Fears!
What Man Fears, God Wills!

Stroll down the forgotten lane!

2011-08-26T14:07:00.005+05:30

What have I managed to keep from what I have so dearly earned?
And what have I managed to save from all that I have fought to keep?
Not a toy I have saved from the ones I had once craved for
Not a cap or a shoe or a shirt or a lunchbox I had fought for
Where have all my color pencils and erasers and chart papers gone?
I don't even remember where my dearest cycle’s tracks lead to anymore?
Never saved a picture from the thousands I posed for right from school,
Hardly remember the names and faces of many friends I called my own,
Can’t remember the roads that once led to the places I often walked to,
And what did I do with my cricket bats and rackets and shuttle corks?
There was this first wrist watch I once bought or was it gifted to me?
And what did I buy from the 2 rupees I once stole from my sister’s piggy?
Where have all the ice-candies and chocolates and toffees gone?
How do I no longer recognize them when I visit a bakery or confectionary?
Where did I save up all those beautiful sunsets and mornings I once cherished?
Where did I lose the colors of the many carnivals and festivals I have seen?
All the granny’s stories and many lies I must have stacked somewhere in our attic,
All the color stickers and stamps and rare coins must be somewhere there too,
Could have I dropped my childhood somewhere on the way to school,
And with that all those fond and bitter memories of what I did not care to keep
Did I take the schoolbag when I left for college, did I carry the marbles too?
Where have all those kids gone who once never let me win a game?
Oh all those mangoes we have stolen, all those roses we have plucked,
All that rain and sun and joy that we bathed in once, where did I leave them all?
At least I should have saved those tears I once shed for fear, pride or pain,
Should have saved my mom’s worries or dad’s advices than ran into days,
Or least my granny’s pampering words that once spoiled my naughtier ways,
My teacher’s apprehensions or the farewell words from my high-school yearbook,
Or just my best friend’s second name so I could now find him on Facebook!
Really, what have I managed to keep from what I have so dearly earned?
Where have I lost my way amidst all that I claim to have learned?
And what have I managed to save from all that I have fought to keep?
What is that I longed for once, what did I sow and what shall I someday reap?

Right to Life!

2011-08-22T18:55:00.003+05:30

Life consumes life to sustain life, only the form changes. Every living thing supposedly becomes food for another. But only men are worthy of meeting their end in the hands of their own race. And I am such a man!

The desire to be!

2011-08-18T19:04:00.003+05:30

Its raining Hell in my Heart,
As I drift through the dark ages of my life,
Ever so gently.....ever so silently....
I have no desires to keep,
I ask for nothing except for one thing,
That I may be allowed to chose my end,
Not the time or place or how or the means
Just the man in death I would wish to be,
As a nobody who mattered to no one,
As someone I have always longed to be!

The Silent Surface!

2011-08-17T11:15:00.002+05:30

It would have been easier for him to try and not think about the consequences of his actions, of the many acts of self-righteousness that subtly crafted with time his stature of an unyielding husband to his two wives who were sisters too and a very stubborn father to his three daughters. But with age comes a volute sense of justice and when misery decides to tag along with you in your last few laps of dubious run to an uncertain destiny, which now looms beyond the not so distant horizon, there is not much you can do to fight your own apprehensions of a stint with Travesty of sorts.

He wasn’t that old enough to die or that weak enough to fall, but age seldom justifies the end of a human life and at 55 with thrice as many years of life stacked into that decorated lifetime, he wasn’t left with much of a choice. He had already sold his soul somewhere on the streets of Matunga in the suburbs of Mumbai 30 odd years back and had lost his mind over a woman he mistook to be his destiny a couple of years later. So at 55 and althrough the 3 decades before that, the only finite possession he had to call his own from among the three elements of life was his sack of flesh and bones and the blood that surged through his veins.

But now as he drifted across the corridor of another long year of despair and toil towards his 56th birthday, he had another wakeup call in the form of a mild stroke, his second one in the last 2 years! He was otherwise as healthy as an ox but heart seldom takes a cue from its own counterparts and the least from its own master. And then when the strain of life’s diabolic nature of equivalence sets its precedence in one’s matters of conformance, even a heart as sturdy as steel would quiver in time’s gentle breeze. Not even the credence of his impetuous deeds across 3 decades could match the vengeance of justice when set forth in its spree to undo what’s done against its will. And today was such a day, and he longed for his heart to skip a third time and finish it off.

Thoughts started crowding his comprehension even as he took her hand, his youngest daughter and the second child from his second wife, and rubbed her inner palm with his closed fist. She was way too cold to have felt that shade of heat that he managed to kindle on her almost frozen wrist. Bereft of any tears that has managed to set itself free from his iron will, his emotions choked his lungs with the might of a concrete block pressing against his ribs. With even his breath suspended in a static state of non-conformance, he then let out a cry of anguish and pain that seemed to last forever. The frozen lifeless carcasses of his two elder daughters lay before him in a pile of erratically cut meat chops even as his youngest one lay dying in his arms.

Only her legs and arms were severed from knee and elbow downwards and thrown aside in an empty compartment along with some hair and skin scrapes that were sliced off from one of the other girls. She was the youngest and therefore the dearest to him and which is why he assumed she was left undead for him to discover her as she lay helpless in the fridge begging for a merciful death. He saw the futility of his effort and the misery in her heart even as he tried to revive whatever was left of her life, and he too approved of a benevolent death as her only chance for deliverance. He would trade all the life he amassed without a blink only if he could bring her back to life, half dead or otherwise.

‘Jesus Christ, Helen….why? why them…..so mercilessly’ he moaned as he tried reaching out to his second wife Helen who swung away from him in despondence in the strong breeze that suddenly heaved through the room from the French window of his basement, ‘three young lives for one innocent life I took by mistake….where is the justice in that?’ She gently swung back towards him as the breeze slowed down, letting him touch her feet as she swayed across the room isolated from his thoughts or words.

The Threshold!

2011-08-16T11:56:00.003+05:30

The thin line between reality and fiction is not so thin afterall.........coz I have been walking over it all my life!

To you....For you!!

2011-08-12T17:17:00.003+05:30

I have a desire to be the only man to have known you the way you wish to be known, to have touched you the way you long to be touched, to kiss you the way you love to be kissed, to have seen you the way you would yearn to be seen, to hold you the way would want to be held, to have spoken what you have so longed to hear, to love you the way you would long to be loved, to have become all that you would have loved your man to be.....But then would you have desired me or your own desire of what you want me to be?

Mr.Monkey on the Perciever and the Percieved!

2011-08-11T13:41:00.004+05:30

Q: Hello Mr.monkey, it’s been a while since we have had a chat. So how are things going?
A: Things are exactly the way they ought to be.

Q: Oh I see, that’s splendid Mr. Monkey. You must be a very content man then.
A: Ah, and what made you to assume that my friend, that I should be a very content man?

Q: Well Mr.Monkey, not to sound inconspicuous or cynical but in this world of turmoil and uncertainties, the least a man can expect is for the things to move the way he aspires it to. Don't you think so?
A: Yes definitely! To sound ambitious yet practical and sensible, that’s the least one can expect.

Q: But then Mr.Monkey what is the reason for your discontentment when things are moving exactly the way they should?
A: Simply coz things are moving the way they ought to be, not the way I want it to be. That’s why.

Q: Oh Mr.Monkey, I don’t get it. How can you say that things are moving the way it ought to be when it’s not moving the way you want it to be?
A: Coz my friend, the way things ought to be is not necessarily the way I want them to be.

Q: You mean the world is independent of your desire or idea of how it should exist, right?
A: Yes.

Q: I get that, and I accept that too altruistically.
A: Good, so then what is the trouble?

Q: Trouble is that my question was a personal one. My question was to seek your emotion, not your opinion. My question was about how you felt and not about what you thought? You get it Mr.Monkey?
A: Yes I do my friend.

Q: So then tell me Mr. Monkey how could you accept things the way they are coz you simply feel they were meant to be so when it’s actually putting you in a state of discontentment?
A: Hmmm I see your concern now, but it’s rather simple.

Q: And how is it rather simple Mr.Monkey if you may elaborate?
A: Coz I simply accept myself to be one of those things too, that’s all.

Q: Again you are confusing me. What does that mean now?
A; My friend simply learn to accept yourself to be one among those things you accept to be at peace, when you perceive them to be the way they ought to be.

Q: Oh so you mean accept myself to be a random object in the world that is perceived to be the way I ought to be even as I perceive myself to be the perceiver of objects desiring them to be the way I want them to be?
A: Well in many words yes, that’s what I meant.

Q: And that would mean that even when as a perceiver I might be in a state of discontentment which is personally disturbing, but as an object in the world, maybe the way I ought to be right now is in a state of discontentment. And that being the way I ought to be, I am still very much at peace.
A: Hmm you are a fast learner my friend.

Q: So Mr. Monkey but how does that help you in being at peace as a perceiver even when you are filled with discontentment, like you are now coz things are not moving they way you want them to?
A: My tranquility lies in my state of discontentment my friend; know that and you know it all.

Q: Wow Mr.Monkey, you again manage to surprise me with your ideas. How do you generate so many fresh perspectives?
A: Coz even to myself, I am just an Idea my friend, just another perspective. Nothing more, nothing less; so now do you see me or do you see a perspective?

Q: Mr.Monkey I see you, that’s all. Honestly I can’t differentiate between the two. Really!
A: Don’t differentiate, they are not two. Tat-astu!!

Madman's Decree!

2011-08-11T11:49:00.003+05:30

The choice has always been the stature resolute in a life of mediocrity and happiness against a vibrant vulnerability in a life of despair and soulful insanity. I chose the latter simply coz am not dead yet and as long as the flame lives, I will flicker in the wind and burn in my own desire; until such comes a day when I completely vanish and only my essence remains in its place!

'The Joy in Possession'!

2011-08-09T12:27:00.005+05:30

The man in the dusty dark suit had only one intention, he wanted to just grab them before he would make up his mind to be wanting to do more with it. He had parked himself right next to a pan shop on that hawker’s street commercially known for its artificial ornaments and cheap perfumes. There were at least a crowd of hundred that passed between him and his target, often blocking his inexorable attention to every detail as he stood gazing at it. The curve, the mass, the shape and the very elegance with which it moved with the diffidence that of a young bride in the arms of a hungry husband, had him captivated and enthralled to the point of intoxication. ‘He could hold onto them for hours and days at a stretch nibbling them, caressing them and tearing them apart with his broken teeth only if he had the opportunity’ he thought and then brushed aside the disappointment with a sigh of despair.

Occasionally he would look up to notice the face of the woman who might have an issue if he went ahead with his plan, but why would he care? If not this, what he might do to her otherwise to satisfy his invigorating desire for flesh would cost her a lot more than just the embarrassment and humiliation of being grabbed in public. She might react unintentionally instead of falling into a shock at that instance and she might even catch hold of his arm, as a reflex action and that would place him in a very undesirable situation right in the middle of a crowded marketplace. He knew that could happen and it has happened before. But would that deter him from feeling them up, he gazed back at what he would dare to call the most beautiful pair of veiled breasts he has ever seen in his 34 years of existence, including that of his own mom’s which he has only a faint recollection of. He never fancied them sensually though as a youth but it remained in his conscience as an element of forgotten desire.

It was time, he thought to himself as he saw her pack her stuff and move towards the street he was standing in. If she continued walking in the same direction, she would pass him not more than at a meter’s distance. Oh and they were dancing again as she walked towards him with a sort of sping in her step, like his heart that started beating onto his ribs like a pilling machine. He looked up and made his calculations, ‘ out of a crowd of fifty packed in that small street, what mattered was the group of 3 that they were including her, another group of ten including kids to her right who were following her direction, a man and a woman were approaching them for the other direction, 2 old men were talking to a hawker onto the adjacent side, both stranded and not in motion turned away from the scene, 3 young girls were crossing the street holding each other’s hands towards him from the opposite side, 4 hawkers stood opposite to him on the street where he would head after his act, a pocket road to the left of the hawkers was his getaway exit, 2 men stood smoking next to it but they were too frail to stop him, it’s all just fine’ he thought.

He ‘could and would chop her up if it would come to that’ he mused to himself, if that is what it would take to have his hands on her chest for a split second if that might be. As she came to just a few paces distance from him, he pushed himself away from the wall he shared with the pan shop and after intentionally circling the three young girls who were moving towards his side from across the street, he stretched his left leg just a bit longer so as to cut across the one who passed next to him and forced her to fall onto the muddy street pulling the other 2 along with her. They fell onto the couple who would have otherwise crossed him hadn’t they been halted by the sudden turn of event and they in-turn blocked the view and focus of the onlookers from the group of three women he was targeting. He used the moment to skimmer through the small curious crowd towards the pocket road as he brushed pass the lady, though he had to adjust a bit and turn sideways as he reached her unlike how he wanted to grab both her breasts as he had planned.

He saw that even she had not noticed him approaching her and was lost in the commotion in front of her as he raised his left hand and grabbed her right breast as he slipped past her facing her as he did so. Her reaction was instantaneous as she grasped his shirt in an effort to clutch his hand and almost pulled him back towards her. He was almost swayed back in his motion while trying to balance himself as he gazed at her astounded at her strength. He was trying to hide his face though he was sure she would have got a glimpse of is face by now, though he also noticed that none of other onlookers including the two women with her had noticed anything. He was almost standing less than a foot away from her as he tried one last effort to free himself by pushing himself away from her and that’s when he saw her face more clearly and noticed her stare that was directed at something somewhere else. ‘She wasn’t looking at his direction at all’ he thought as he paused and watched her more carefully.

A good 2 seconds have passed by now and though she had his shirt still clutched in her palm with his left arm still upon her right breast, she hadn’t made a sound or alarm. And she wasn’t even looking at him, ‘oh god she is blind’ he thought to himself, ‘yes she is blind and that explains why she is not looking at me or in my direction’. But why hasn’t she raised an alarm he thought as she gently released her grip from his shirt and he let his hands slide down from her chest. ‘She is blind’ he thought, ‘all three women are blind’ he noticed. A few earnest men had by then helped the young girls to their feet and the crowd had started to disperse in their intended direction as he watched her again with curiosity, ‘oh she has a beautiful face too’ he mused, ‘very pretty face indeed’. And that’s when he saw one of the other women squeezing her right hand indicating that they move forward.

He looked sideways at the pocket road again and then in a random motion pushed himself closer to her in a pretext to move towards the side of the road and grabbed both her breasts with both his hands, this time a lot more gently than before. He gently fondled her chest as they rubbed each other in their efforts to move separate ways. In a split second he was then heading towards the pocket road passing the two gentlemen who stood smoking near its entrance. He passed a smile at them and a salute as he did so but not with the satisfaction of having did what he wanted to do or quenching his lust for flesh. He noticed that this time she did not stop him.

He turned around to look at her one last time before fading into the narrow street and then whispered under his breath ‘lucky day bastard’!!

The channels we browse!

2011-08-04T17:25:00.003+05:30

'I would have kissed her a hundred times before' he thought as he dropped the remote and leaned over the wooden stool, 'maybe a thousand times' or it seemed so as he skimmer through the half a dozen months they have spent together within the 800 sqft space of his studio apartment under the same undivided roof, separated only by a wall of prejudice. 'She didn’t love me enough and I couldn't hate her enough, so she could not leave on her own and I couldn't ask her to leave either. But only the bridge would remain static across the river, the world around it has to change sides with time, and so did our destinies last day'

He turned away from the television set to watch her stand next to him, without even a sigh of remorse or a trace of grief on her face. He expected shades of bafflement atleast but her face was painted with an expression of contempt and apathy for someone she felt she could have loved with all her heart and soul only if she could actually convince herself to love him. Besides what was indeed desirable in him is a question she has asked herself a million times only leading to inconclusive inferences. She wanted to kiss him again but just the thought of it made her sick in the stomach.

I would have loved to read her thoughts at that moment, but maybe it was something which was better left concealed from me. Afterall what could be running through the mind of a woman who couldn't make up her mind about how she felt for you inspite of spending three long years in your heart, another whole year in your arms and then 6 long months under your blanket. For 6 long months she remained enshroud under my warmth only to walk out of my life one fine day without a word and only a kiss of benediction as she emptied her revolver into my chest.

What could be on her mind, I couldn't help wonder as I locked my breath and my sight with just a picture of that smile which adorned her face as she stood testimonial to my last fall.

She saw him slither down to the floor as she dropped the revolver onto the couch and picked up the remote and switched the channel. 'I hate when you…’ she wanted to tell him, 'well as if you care' then she whispered under her breath!

Burn!

2011-08-04T13:30:00.003+05:30

What attracts me the most in a woman is her mind, and that I feel is the most captivating part of her existence! Love, Lust and Sex is the fuel that I would use to keep her flame alive!

Yes off course boys who play with fire should expect the burn too.

An Intervention of sorts!

2011-07-30T14:58:00.003+05:30

I just walked into this all gals no male restroom last day and found myself horny as hell yet found the commode very unappealing. So I whacked off all over the place and on all four corners and walls of the room and pissed my heart out on every square inch of space I could find from ceiling to the floor.

And when I walked out I left that place much cleaner and serene and felt a lot lighter and emptier in my mind!

Conversations with my Mom - Part VI

2011-07-26T10:59:00.002+05:30

Now every time I look at her, she drains out every ounce of positivity from my soul and leaves me as vulnerable as a flower in a fire storm, but then again I was that vulnerable one day once upon a time and it was her love and courage that shielded me that day, for days and for months and years until I could stand up and fight on my own. But she will never be able to stand up and fight for herself anymore, not today and not ever! Her strife with life is settled in the book of accounts, and she lost a fortune on the roll of a dice only to be left broken and bruised under the shade of mercy and pity! I pause every now and then on my race to mortal glory to spend with her a casual moment of introspection which leads to our often unspoken conversations, like the one I am having right now.

And even though she has a thought or two to share which might or might not be connected to what I have to confer, it often leave us both with a sense of fulfillment of sorts. Ironically I pay the price of my sanity for that moment of satisfaction and someday, not far away even I would fall into that abyss where my mom lost herself in and so did my Dad. And that day even I would cry a tear of joy when some random aimless thought of her would remind me that I share my destiny with none other than my own parents and that I have finally come home to that affection ate little world of fairy tales that I lost to my withering childhood, somewhere far away as folk tales that faded somewhere into the distant horizon!

New Age Humanism!

2011-07-22T12:36:00.002+05:30

Even an empty pot has an identity seperate from the air around it. It is not what is within you but your very existance that is the source of your dual existance!

Mind or No-mind is a myth. Aim for something, taste everything, hold on to nothing.

Sexual Nirvana!

2011-07-20T13:39:00.001+05:30

The Age of Innocence is as shortlived as the life of an orgasm!

Terrorism and collective Justice!

2011-07-17T00:49:00.002+05:30

Terrorism is a necessary socio-political evil; it pays to remind every self-righteous dog that barks for democracy and capitalism that they are not beyond the conscience of collective justice which they profess to have sworn to protect and practice on behalf of all of mankind!

Mr.Monkey 's Sermon in the pond!

2011-07-16T11:36:00.004+05:30

I was taking a holy dip in the pond of prejudice when I was asked if I have attained self realization, and I asked if there was anything else that could be realized? And they they asked me when and I said it was the day I attained that sense of detachment from God!So they asked me if I turned into an atheist? And I asked them to explain what an atheist is? So they said an theist is someone who believes that God does not exist. So then I asked them how can I be an atheist then coz how and why would I detach myself from something I believe to be non existent? And they asked me how can one detach oneself from God unless one is an atheist?

I said know God and you will attain that detachment!

Life in circles!!

2011-07-16T11:32:00.001+05:30

Once I was asked to describe life in three words, and I just used two; black and white!
And then they asked me to now prove it in 2 words and I just used one; Gray!!

Self Preservation

2011-07-16T11:27:00.001+05:30

The sanctity of my existence is verily the fact that I don't exist at all!

Being a Piscean!!

2011-07-15T12:14:00.003+05:30

A Piscean is like a fish that is scared of drowning.
They can paint without colors, speak without words and intimidate through their eyes!
A Piscean knows only one best friend, their own self! Everyone else is just an acquaintance.
A Piscean is as sensual as they are spiritual, if not more!
They are never in doubt about their conviction and never convinced about their apprehensions!
A Piscean does not live, they verily breath and soak life!
Paradox is the second name to a Piscean, that’s why they talk in circles!
Passion is their middle name which is also mostly dormant and rarely revealed!
A Piscean can fall 'head over heels' in love a thousand times, and at times even more than once with the same person!
There is no gender for a Piscean, they are Unisexual beings!
Either a Piscean is a lousy friend and an awesome lover or vice versa, never both!
With or without their acknowledgement, a Piscean's best fit in the animal kingdom is a Pig!
Sex is like air and water to a Piscean, they can't differentiate between the three!
A Piscean has exemplary yet short lived sense of taste and odor (have you noticed the strong perfumes and deodorants they use or the spices they dump into dishes?)
A Piscean does not comprehend details, they consume facts!
If a Piscean is not artistic, they haven’t turned into a butterfly yet. It’s a matter of time!
A Piscean would adore his favorite dishes to the point of patenting them!
A Piscean loves pets only in their childhood and old age!
A Piscean is not unrealistic; they are just too idealistic and stupid about it at the same time!
Asking a Piscean to dress up, sure expect loud colors and a style that’s gone extinct from the fashion world!
A Piscean is not sleepy, they just have dreamy eyes!
You can’t expect a Piscean to spend a day shopping, they are impulsive shoppers!
A Piscean can’t discard old things; age adds spirit to things according to them!
When in doubt, never approach a Piscean!
If given a choice, pick a Piscean parent over a Piscean child!
Now a Piscean grandparent would be a treasure worth keeping!
A Piscean can comprehend uncertainty but cannot accept it! So like a fish they need a glass box to survive!
A Piscean who is warm, cordial and cultured is a myth! They only exist in allusions.

Reality in Me!!

2011-07-14T12:55:00.003+05:30

Reality is the warm breeze that blows outside the glass walls of my office cabin. I observe and acknowledge its presence everyday as I sit locked up inside the transparent box I call my official home, with the conditioned re-circulated air caressing my face as it flows down from the vents on the false ceiling above my head.

Reality is the dusty black and white picture of my parents resting on my desk. I have already lost one and I am losing the other to her gradual painful pilgrimage to self-destruction even as I sit staring at an 18" screen dealing with life's mediocrity day after day waiting upon a miracle to adorn my world.

Reality is the words of confession I have locked up inside my Iron chest of prejudices and apprehensions. I manage to never reveal them even as I sit all day and draft a hundred emails and reply to countless chat and text messages to that many strangers across that many strange lands.

Reality is what I would never see and what I would never reveal. Reality is me, but unlike I have ever known myself to be!

What's worth a Man!!

2011-07-14T12:04:00.000+05:30

The worth of a man is not the measure of what he has earned through his veer and dedication across his lifetime but the measure of all that he has sacrificed at the stroke of his will for a purpose that least served his gain.

Life in revelation!

2011-07-13T16:19:00.002+05:30

Life reveals itself to me every day in the form of a stranger's smile aimed at an invisible someone or something , a long forgotten song being played on the radio, an aimless stray dog wasting time on the sidewalks, a random old man who invariably jumps in front of my bike in his fruitless effort to cross the street, a reluctant little girl heading to the co-operative school holding her mother's hand, a reckless driver who somehow manages to kill no one in his sincere efforts to wipeout humanity, a quiver of pain that comes with a marooned thought of a long lost love, a passing glance from a pretty face, the groan of an ill-maintained taxi’s engine, the smell of cheap spices from a roadside tiffin center, the glaring sun that peeps through the pines upon the east coast that hurts my eyes, the tune of many songs that has aged upon my lips with time, a solitary church, the same old woman with her begging bowl, an advertising hoarding I feel I have never noticed before, a sudden break, a gush of breeze that pushed me off track upon an empty stretch of road, a drop of sweat that seeped through my helmet, a sensual couple glued on a two wheeler, an expensive car, a favorite food joint, all twenty five minutes of seemingly pertinent silence…..

Life reveals itself to me every day…..

Me n U and Me n U

2011-07-04T13:58:00.003+05:30

I never promised anyone the liberty to question me
And neither have I nurtured the faith in men to trust me
Then why do they ask me to share with them my conviction?
Then why do they want me to stand up for their opinions?
I am just a fool who is bitten by the vanities of my own tragedies
I am just you within me pretending to live as me within you!!

Evil is God's Impression!

2011-05-06T10:33:00.005+05:30

The presence of EVIL in all men is the ultimate proof of GOD. Like the dark shadow of a tree that falls on Earth when the brilliance of the Sun soaks the Tree, so does the benevolence of God leave its impressions upon our soul in the form of darker emotions like Desire, Temptation and Ignorance!

Don't Fear or Ignore it! Instead, turn around and face it with the certainity that God is right behind you, looking down upon you with the luminence of his unwavering generousity!! That no matter how much you desire, no matter how strong the temptations, no matter how persistent your ignorance, the world of obscurity you percieve around you is in reality just a tiny dark spot made by your temporal existance on the vast horizon of his own reflection within you!

Detachment!!

2011-05-04T17:59:00.005+05:30

'I have noticed that the world is increasingly becoming detached from a majority of their material wealth and possession! When my brother was in school, he had just 10 odd things to call his own; A cricket bat and a football, a cycle, two pair of shoes, a school bag, 2 or 3 tinkle comic books and a video game; he was so attached to each item that not a day would pass without him spending some quality time with them. And now he has like a 100 odd things and am sure he doesn't recollect or relish the company of even a good 95% of those on any given day. In another 10 years he will have a good 1000 things to call his own yet with a 98% oblivion to what they are or what they are meant for? Its a paradigm of 12 waking hours for10 items vs a 16 waking hours for 1000! Its a paradigm of Quantity of life vs Quality! Its a paradigmn of linear attachment vs multi-layered detachment!'

Mr.Monkey on Reincarnation!

2011-05-04T17:38:00.002+05:30

'I wish I had a thousand re-births before I attain Supreme Realization, so that at the end of my mortal cycles of birth and death when I am finally born never to be born again, I could teach the world about the 'Solitary Truth' in a thousand different ways!!'

I Repent Thus!!

2011-04-25T13:27:00.001+05:30

Repentance is an act of courage by a man of wisdom for a cause without a purpose!!

Wildflower Quotes - VIII

2011-04-23T12:28:00.000+05:30

'If ever a good deed I have done shall grant me the boon to turn back time, I would gladly go back in time and undo the good I had done that led me to it; for not even an act of righteousness justifies a wrong consequence''!!!

Identity - Revealed!!

2011-04-05T22:15:00.004+05:30

Have you ever wondered why we are always inclined towards hoping for a favorable end? Maybe because we are destined to be inclined thus. By who we are and what we have and ought to become, we are indeed like the dark cloud that adorns itself with a silver lining!

All that's perceived in us with reverence and respect are but the traits of the mask we wear called 'identity'! Like one point of reference for a phenomenon; like one tag of truth for a transient lie, our identity masks our true nature!

Who?

2011-04-03T15:06:00.003+05:30

She, who is soulful like the silent spring,
She, who would weave my many dreams,
She, who controls and commands my conviction,
She, who is neither a desire nor a need,
She, who seldom reveals her innate self,
She, who dissolves and absolves like the sea,
She, who means absolutely nothing to me!

Re-Education...Re-Birth!!

2011-04-03T03:40:00.002+05:30

Can you show me the path to ignorance? I have never been so wrong! Never been in such darkness! I want to learn all over again!!

The Endless Sea!

2011-04-02T01:23:00.006+05:30

Why is the sea glorious?

Coz its so vast, so huge as though its endless.

Why does it look endless?

Coz it just stretches beyond the horizon, because I cannot see its shores.

Why? You are standing on its shores!

Not this shore, but the one on the other side!

Yet you know there is another shore on the other side!

I assume there is, I assume there is another shore.

Why do you assume so?

Why? Why coz nothing can be endless, can it? There has to be an end no matter how vast it is.

Yet you conceive it to be endless?

Yes contrary to my articulation, I would like to believe it as endless!

And thus you believe the sea to be glorious!

Yes thus the sea manifests itself as glorious to me!

And so why is the sea glorious again?

Conversations with a Dog!!

2011-03-27T11:30:00.001+05:30

And I was asked who I am; And I said I am whatever I am not! And I was asked if I am a seeker; and I said I am not, for I seek 'nothing'! And I was asked if I am enlightened; and I said I was never in such darkness as I am today!! And I was asked whether I 've heard of 'Nirvana'; and I said I did come across that a while back! And I was asked what did I do then; and I said I threw it in the first dustbin I found on my path. And I was asked who I am; and I said 'nothing'!!

Death of God!

2011-03-27T11:06:00.002+05:30

If God ever existed, it must have been only till the day before I was born; for when I searched my soul seeking the very source of existence, I was told that I was born into a state of godlessness!!

Self-Kill

2011-03-27T11:01:00.002+05:30

'There is no glorious a death as the death through one's own comprehension'

"The Wildflower" - Quote VII

2011-03-23T20:26:00.001+05:30

"Entranced by your boisterous sensuality, I made love to you as though oblivious to the venom that surged through my veins like wildfire. If it is my life that you seek as the price for your lost honor, beloved, then I shall offer you my soul and my substance whereby you shall in time conceive and thus consummate our illegitimate affair"

Life as seen through a late morning bed-tea!!

2011-03-22T11:19:00.004+05:30

Life is an abstract combination of seemingly infinite choices that adds upto one single destiny: An Elusive Purpose! Life is a notion build upon the pillars of ethics and morality forged in the fire of eternal good that ironically preachs only one altruistic philosophy: Profit! Life is a bag full of percieved truths that adds upto one Big Lie: Individuality! Life is a myth created by the collective Human mind to comprehend the one true Ultimate Reality: Irrelevance! Life is a Legend, a Tragedy, an Epic, a folklore and much much more; yet Life is just a myth and thats all!!

I-ness

2011-03-18T23:46:00.001+05:30

The Insufficiency in all things is the very truth that doesn't count.
'I' am such a Truth.

My Existence: My IRRELEVANCE!!

2011-03-17T17:55:00.001+05:30

“Notes from the barracks: A soldier’s reflection”

For ages man has driven his imagination, arguing what the skies revealed to him, asking questions whose answers, he very well knew were beyond the realm of his understanding. He spent his lifetime authoring and then aesthetically following so called bibles of humanity trying to repress and kill the hope of his ever stumbling over the truth; blinding himself with the brilliance of his sensual life.

For ages man has lived in the shadow of his knowledge with the fear of having to face the Ultimate Reality, the key to his existence. When a kid cries out for a cheap chocolate; when a mother moves on to the wet side of the cot so that her baby can have the warmth of the dry cot; when Alexander marched his men into the terrains of Asia Minor, to conquer the foreign land; when Gandhi made his historic ‘stroll to the sea’ to fetch some salt, and throughout the history of mankind, whatever he has transformed his world into and whatever he has done, has been nothing but a glorious act of hiding from his irrelevance. Or what is poetically stated as ‘finding meaning to one’s life’.

Am stating here what no man has dared to say before, that I have found the key to my existence; it is my IRRELEVANCE. In the words of a pessimist, man is as irrelevant as the brick and stone and in an optimist’s words, he is as relevant as the eternal nature. Man, His Ethics, His Arts, His Science, His Society, His Civilization, His Religion, His very life that is crafted with the finest moments, whether painted with shades of sadness or joy, victory or defeat, glory or shame, have no reality in it.

It’s as superficial as the smile and as shallow as the human heart. And it is my irrelevance that makes my days beautiful, my tears a joy, my wounds a miracle, my hatred a passion; my irrelevance that makes this moment a glorious moment in time.

Though for ages the sages have sung about the ignorance of man being no different from his knowledge; about his truth being no glorious than his lies; about his existence being no more divine than the existence of a blade of grass, they have commented, argued and brewed wines of literature from the essential history of mankind, and have sworn in the name of God that man is no more a mortal than the God himself.

So my comrades, raise your swords and fight with passion, and when you fall, do not forget to whisper into the ears of your enemy that he must carry on, for there are men waiting in the barracks, on both the sides; that no matter what, the battle for humanity must carry on.

Non- Existence!!

2011-03-17T17:34:00.002+05:30

The Mind is but the body and what else! Soul is just a refined expression of Mind and Body; and you and I are mere imitations of an abstract entity called the 'Self' encompassing the Mind, Body and Soul!!

I used to believe that 'I' am just an imagination of this abstract entity called 'Self'! Now I know that I do not exist even as a figment of Imagination or even as a single strand of conscience; for even this 'Self' is just another expression of the Divine Thought called 'Irrelevance'!!!

Pray!!

2011-03-14T19:36:00.003+05:30

Once I was given a moment of dismay,
To make a wish for something a lifetime's worth,
And all I could think of was to pray,
For how would I gauge or measure its worth?
So thus I was given an ordinary day,
To spend as I would in any extraordinary way,
And all I could think of was to pray,
And I prayed for more of such moments of dismay!!

Mr.Monkey on 'The Rationale Divine'

2011-03-13T22:20:00.001+05:30

"This is what I don't get: If I was created stupid enough to believe that God indeed existed and that everything that happens has a divine reason as its cause, then I wouldn't have been smart enough to question his existence or the rationale behind all things"

Thoughts!!

2011-03-12T11:51:00.002+05:30

Upon a sea of consciousness, thoughts are like the ripples created by a free falling pebble of sensual impulse.

The Myth call Individuality!!

2011-03-08T22:09:00.005+05:30

The world is busy chasing an elusive notion called 'Individuality'!! It proclaims and preaches the 'uniqueness' of all, in them essentially being what they are or who they are. But Individuality according to me is the greatest fiction of the modern era, probably even being the pivotal axiom around which the modern socio-economic world is woven.

I am not against the uniqueness of our existence, indeed we have our differences. But no man or woman is in essence different from another; neither in our history nor in the relevant times. The secret lies in the nature of our existance, and we exist only as a mere expression of a common thought! A thought which is independant of us all, something we will never comprehend or concieve.

"The Wildflower" - Quote VI

2011-03-05T15:44:00.001+05:30

The so called Divine interventions are mere blind-sights. When blindness becomes a virtue for the masses, Popularity becomes a Cult, Taboos become Traditions, the Whimsical is worshipped, Popular figures turn into Demi-gods and Deities, Social-Mockery replaces Morality, God becomes an End without means and Religion becomes the way of life....and not vice versa!

"The Wildflower" - Quote V

2011-03-05T15:42:00.001+05:30

‎We only love what life makes out of us and how in return it feeds our sense of Travesty; so I will never love my child more than I would love my motherhood, I will never stake for my husband as much as I would stake for my marriage, I will make truce with sorrow than give my self away to joy and embrace an abstract thought instead of making love to my most sincere emotion!!

"The Wildflower" - Quote IV

2011-03-05T15:41:00.001+05:30

‎I have only one desire left in life, to die a scandolous death in the arms of a murderer who shall never be found or charged for my murder; and it shall only go down in history as another conspiracy theory that the murderer was none but me and that I dramatically staged my own death!!

"The Wildflower" - Quote III

2011-03-05T15:36:00.000+05:30

My religion has only two facets to it, my 'Virtue' and my 'God'! Whereas my Virtues manifests from an inexorable need to absorb men adorned with a rather venomous sexual apetite, I caustically have come to know only one God, and I call him 'Travesty'!!!"

"The Wildflower" : Quote II

2011-03-05T15:34:00.001+05:30

‎If you would ask me if there was indeed one man who has really satisfied my feminie delinquenzy, I would point out to my Dad who has often left me devasted in the obscurity of his saffron sensualism!

"The Wildflower" : Quote I

2011-03-05T15:30:00.001+05:30

‎The World is a Lonely place if you cannot find the right Rhyme to marry your Reason with!!

The Holy!!

2011-01-10T18:52:00.001+05:30

Spiritual Renaissance!!

The Price of Glory!!!

2010-12-20T23:57:00.002+05:30

Those who deserve it, shouldn't preserve it!! Coz the Price of Glory is paid with inequilibrium!!!

The Games we Play!!!

2010-12-20T23:52:00.003+05:30

It's all just a game,
And just another name,
Why stake a blame?
Shame, shame such a shame,
No frolic, no fame!!
They are all the same,
All the same, another name
Just another blame-game!!

The Lover's Predicament!

2010-12-01T16:25:00.002+05:30

Have you ever been scared of dissolving in the rain?
Have you ever felt a detachment towards relentless pain?
Have you ever got drowned in the sea of solitude?

Have you ever lost love to love?
Have you ever been asked to let go?
Have you ever chosen to embrace uncertainty?

Have you ever doubted the lover in you?
Have you ever traded an emotion for something new?
Have you ever asked your beloved to believe in you?

Desires!

2010-12-01T16:18:00.002+05:30

There is no pain like the pain in separation!
There is no longing like the longing for reciprocation!

If desires are detached from these two elements,
then there is no desire at all which is worthy of delibration!!

An Old song.....

2010-11-30T22:46:00.003+05:30

Remember...remember, the tears of december;
Roses and Lillies, so few in number!!

November November, I will remember,
O my agony in thy seperation,
And the cold rains in November!!

The Ransom!

2010-11-30T17:32:00.005+05:30

He first stood staring for a long while at the room from the door as he lit his first cigarette for the day, letting the smoke swirl around him like mist in the sun as it glazed in the weak light that fell through the window. Then he walked over to the brighter side of the room, re-arranging the scattered furniture as he moved around the bed. He was standing on the extreme left corner adjacent to the bed and had to circle around it. The room must have been not more than a hundred square feet and the bed alone occupied more than three fifth of the floor space. He was a little less than six foot tall with heavy shoulders and muscular arms which seemed to be clearing its way across a sea of debris as he walked. He did not care to touch most of the smaller items like books, steel glasses, dirty pillow which lay on the stained rug, or the hundreds of papers that were left smeared across the room.

He even came across at least half a dozen empty pet bottles but only decided to move those items that were obstructing his way like the wooden oak chair or the dressing cabinet which had fallen onto the bed. With the lights switched off on that winter morning, the shady sunlit bed and torn curtains that hung from the window were the only visible items in the room at first glance. So it was mostly by his sense of touch that he identified the obstructions on his path. But he was not there to tidy the place, he mused to himself, after all his job was simple; find the suitcase, identify the document, ensure that the fire is lit with it and then torch the whole damn place down with gasoline. He had reached the opposite end of the bed by now from where he started and he noticed that the view to the room was more comprehensive from there. He stood glaring at the filth that would burn down as he would soak them with 20 liters of gasoline first and then lit it up with one single page of paper that was not suppose to exist.

But as much as the thought pleased him, as it always did to burn little things or to sit and watch a lively flame as it consumed everything that it touched, his curiosity found an inspiration in one particular detail that was not in the briefing letter. There was a little girl tied to the bed, probably drugged as she was motionless but definitely alive as he could see her breath. He moved back two paces and stood staring at her. She must have been not more than twelve or thirteen years old, he thought. She was tied to the railing on the side of the iron bed with her legs tied to each other with what seemed like steel wire. She had bruises all over her face and her torn shirt revealed deep cuts and burn marks. She was also bleeding from some part of her body as she lay shapelessly on her knees with her head resting on her left shoulder touching the bed.

That is when he noticed the brown suitcase which was placed between her and the wall. He stood there for a while thinking about something that might not have been relevant before deciding to move on with his job. He slowly removed the suitcase letting her fall back onto the wall and placed it on top of the bed. He had no patience to try and open the number lock though he had the code with him, instead used his hand to tear open the leather casing. He was not interested in any of the items inside the case other than one single sheet of paper which had the watermark of the ministry of defense and had less than 15 words typed on it. He did not care to read what was typed on the document either though he noticed two words that caught his eye. It was 'daughter' and 'ransom' but he did not bother to spare a thought on it or the purpose of at least a few dozen bundles of thousand dollar bills that were placed beneath the documents. He did give the money one last glance before he moved back to the door on the left side of the bed and picked up the 2 cans of gasoline he had brought.

He placed one on the bed and from the other can, started pouring the liquid on every object that caught his eye starting from the door till he reached the curtains when he ran out of gasoline. So he dropped the first can and picked up the second one and soaked the bed first with more than half the liquid it contained. He had half a can left which would be around 5 liters he calculated, which he wanted to save up for the girl. Yes he had second thoughts on that detail of his job that day but if the house had to burn, so should everything that is inside it he conferred. Still he stood watching her for a moment and then finally decided to get the job done right, so he lifted her head and using the can's smaller mouth forced half a liter of gasoline into her. Satisfied with his deed he then poured the rest of the fuel on her soaking her with enough gasoline to drown her in it.

Then he placed the can back on the bed and took out the single piece of paper from his coat with his right hand just as he fished his cigarette lighter with his left. And as he glanced again around the room to ensure every corner had a trace of gasoline to spread the fire, he moved back t the door and started stripping. His shoes, trousers and coat came out first and then his shirt and socks. He threw it all onto the bed and then slowly lit the paper with his lighter. He could not see the girl from where he was standing but he was sure he was staring at her direction as he dropped the burning paper onto the rug. Just as he saw the rug lit up as the paper dropped onto the floor, he opened the door and swiftly move out of the door slamming the door behind him as he got out.

And it was almost as a flashback that he read the last three words on the paper that the fire was consuming. It seemed something like 'see her alive' he thought!

Key to Satisfaction!

2010-11-30T17:09:00.002+05:30

Define satisfaction to me! Why can't I figure it out?

Why has my smile lost its earnestness! Its sincerity!

Wedding Clouds!!

2010-11-30T15:09:00.002+05:30

A bunch of red roses welted in the sun,
A box of dark chocolate melted in the sun,
A lonely bride dissolved into the rain,
A withering heart absolved into the pain,
A wedding isle remained jaded in the crowd,
A wedding smile then faded into the cloud!!

Desires!!

2010-11-30T14:57:00.001+05:30

Our desires are the wings upon which we soar into the skies to get scorched in the sun!!

Joy in Sorrow!

2010-11-30T14:54:00.001+05:30

Happiness can be overwhelming at times, but our miseries will always remain closer to our hearts!

The Heart and Soul!!

2010-11-30T09:01:00.002+05:30

Mine is all for you to expend, my child! I am your father and you are the pupose to my life!!

Take all you want from this life, leave my Heart and Soul! That is for me to look down upon you from the Heavens after I am gone!!

Relationships are like Shopping Carts!!

2010-11-30T08:52:00.003+05:30

Relationships are like shopping carts in a grocery store! And remember you end up paying for whatever you drop into it, so some people are choosy about what they pick, some have a list to pick up, some comes in with a few random names parked somewhere in some corner of their mind, some just drops whatever they feel good about!

Have you noticed that if yu ae shopping for a day or two, you pick up random things. If you are shopping for a month, you plan your list and the items you drop would have a cohesiveness between them. If you are shopping for an occasion, you wuld have a specific list of items and if you are just dropping by, you pick up something you never had in your mind too.

Relationships are like shopping carts in a Grocery store, and remember you always end up paying for wht you drop in it!!

Hope!!

2010-11-30T08:49:00.003+05:30

I would be lying if I said that I never hoped for something beautiful in my life! Its just that Hope is something I don't take so seriously, its just a window fr some alternate entertainment in the absence of the 'Real'!!

Twisted Game!

2010-11-30T08:44:00.002+05:30

The Gardens of Heaven, both sensual and serene,

The moments of truth, both bitter and sweet,

And then you and me, and then you and me,

What a twisted game of choices and its Irony!!

So called predicament!!

2010-11-30T02:15:00.003+05:30

Consider a so called predicament, I said,
That I could chose and yet not select,
That I could have it and yet not take it
That I could keep it yet not own it!!
Consider a so called predicament, she said,
That I could let you chose and yet not be chosen
That I could let you be and yet not be,
That I could let you have it and yet not disown it!!

Her Presence!!

2010-11-30T02:11:00.002+05:30

In her absence I discovered the futility in her all pervading presence! I detest it and yet I long for it!!

The Lover!!

2010-11-29T23:08:00.002+05:30

The world dances to the tune of serenity! I dance to its sensuality! I am a lover of all that can be loved! Yet I am not in love, love is in me!

Romance in the Rain!

2010-11-29T20:01:00.002+05:30

The droplets of rain bounced off her feet,
In a rythm like the ripples on the stream,
She danced for a while before she paused
And so did the winter rain for a moment,
Like a spasm in the season of serenity,
She looked at me and then gestured to the clouds,
'Dissolve me' she whispered then to the misty air
And it poured down upon her like a veil,
In that obscurity I could hold nothing back,
I dropped to my knees and professed,
'Dissolve into me, I am your Holy Stream'!!!

The Prophet and His Poetry!!

2010-11-29T19:54:00.002+05:30

The deliberations of a destitute about the richness of the world is cynical. So is the rationale of divinity when deliberated by the so called believers of the 'way of God'!!

Know it, that is important. Believe it, thats essential. Live it, now thats determinal. But then shed it, drop it coz it is your detachment from Divinity that will unite you with the spiritual!!

What's the End of You and Me??

2010-11-29T17:49:00.002+05:30

Given a choice, I would marry you tonight! But I have nothing to offer you for the rest of my life! Least of all the certainity of a desirable end to 'you and me'!!

Afterlife!

2010-11-29T17:43:00.001+05:30

I have dreamt about you in my death! How you buried me with a handful of lovely Tulips!

And I dedicate to you my afterlife, forever and always!

Quest for Illusion!!

2010-11-29T14:16:00.002+05:30

My desire to control my thoughts has led me to this predicament!

I now control my comprehension but only at the cost of my own quest for illusion!!

Know Thyself!!

2010-11-29T00:48:00.001+05:30

There is none as sinful as the known and none a sinner as the knower!!

Uncertainity!

2010-11-27T21:47:00.001+05:30

Uncertainty has a certain appeal that intoxicates the cognitive lover!!

Perils of Seperation!!

2010-11-27T19:39:00.002+05:30

"Hijr ki jo museebatein, Arz ki us ke roo ba roo
Naaz-o-adaa se muskura, Kehne laga jo ho so ho"

Hazrat Shah Niaz
(Featured from the Album Raqs e Bismil 'Dance of the Wounded')

Complex-ion

2010-11-27T14:38:00.002+05:30

Contrary to popular belief, its not that women prefer dark men; they have complex with men who are fairer than them thats all!!

Schizophrenia!

2010-11-27T14:29:00.002+05:30

I was depressed about my lonliness untill i discovered that even schizophrenics weren't very happy people!!

Carnival of Life!

2010-11-27T11:05:00.002+05:30

When life gives you a wake up call, either you are too far down the festive lane or too far behind the carnival!

Understand that no man's a carnival onto himself!

Artist!

2010-11-27T10:59:00.003+05:30

I am an artisit not because I recreate life; I am an artist coz I inspire life's creations!

Life is one BIG party!!

2010-11-27T10:51:00.003+05:30

Afterall life is all about entertainment. And there is nothing more entertaining than personal tragedies or loss in the family: my dad's suicide/death/funeral and post funeral services was and still remains the biggest party I ever attended!

Forgive and Forget!

2010-11-13T16:24:00.003+05:30

Remember, Our mind has been gifted with the unique ability to never stay still, to ever soar in the world of new visions and thoughts.....so FORGET....let go and move on, let those memories fade away with time!!

Remember, Our heart has been forged in the spirit of love and compassion, to embrace even that which would only kill us.....so FORGIVE....they never meant you no harm, they were just being what they really are!!

The Scars that were left behind coz we embraced those rough edges somewhere on the way is not meant to be a seed of vengeance and hatred we should sow on the fields of tomorrow! They are a reminder to our conscience that we do not just survive, we LIVE too coz we bleed and we heal with time!!

So remember that who we are or what we do with our god given talents and abilities only makes us good and maybe the best at what we do, but what would really makes us special is our ability to FORGIVE and FORGET!!

People

2010-11-07T23:07:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I never seem to understand people.....is it the choices they make or is it just the way they are? Sometimes I never understand some people!

Have you ever done that?

2010-11-07T19:55:00.004+05:30

Have you ever tried to comprehend your deepest fear?

Have you ever wondered what it means to have no home?

Have you ever cried coz you thought you lost someone dear?

Have you ever caught a child stealing from his mom?

Have you ever found your parents betray your trust?

Have you ever doubted your faith in hell or in heaven?

Have you ever looked at your own blood with an eye of lust?

Have you ever wished a week had more days than seven?

Have you ever stood staring at the setting sun in gloom?

Have you ever cut down a tree just to watch it fall?

Have you ever welted a flower before it could bloom?

Have you ever dropped a candy just coz it was small?

Have you ever asked a friend if you were looking good?

Have you ever worn shades so you could stare at the sun?

Have you ever skipped a meal coz you lost appetite for food?

Have you ever dropped a bad habit for that special someone?

Have you ever forced yourself to make a difficult choice?

Have you ever watched a clown cry coz he dropped a ring?

Have you ever been scared to listen to your inner voice?

Have you ever asked an acquittance if they could dance or sing?

Have you ever lost your faith in the words of the one true God?

Have you ever dreamed of death lying next to your beloved?

Have you ever skipped a number in between coz it was odd?

Have you ever wondered if the truth could be green, blue or red?

Dampened Soul!

2010-11-07T13:49:00.002+05:30

My mind blossomed in the wild winter night

Like the solitary reflection of a murkish setting sun,

Caught stranded upon the blinding eye of the storm

Somewhere in the obscurity of a barren burgeoning sea

My mind blossomed in the wild winter night

My heart was cold and frozen in that delirious time

I couldn't have known better, I lay lost in your eyes

Like the solitary reflection of a murkish setting sun

Stormy Sunday!

2010-11-07T13:37:00.001+05:30

I need some inspiration.....my words have dried out in the cold winter rain!

One of those days...

2010-11-06T13:32:00.003+05:30

I woke up to yet another magnificent day today

As vibrant and colorful as the evening sky they say

As much as I wanted to, I simply couldn't agree

A murkish sun on the eastern coast is all that I could see,

I must have left my sense of illusion somewhere last night,

I didn't care to search for it, afterall was it worth the sight?

Its just one of those days, I had already convinced myself

Where I should just let things be and place my soul back on the shelf!